Living With My Mother's Dementia - Part 1

Mariam Tohamy is a half Egyptian, half Pakistani sister living in California, USA. Since November 2010 she has been living with and caring for her mother-in-law who suffers from Vascular Dementia. Please note this interview is not being published to exploit a sensitive situation, but to help others who have friends or family members suffering from the disease. Vascular Dementia does not have a cure and it is only by sharing stories of patient experiences that people can begin to track patterns of symptoms and make proper diagnoses early on. May Allah make this of benefit, ameen.

1. What do you remember most about your mother before her dementia?

She had a very strong personality. She was highly educated, and encouraged further study and/or jobs.

2. What is Vascular Dementia? How is it diagnosed and treated?

Vascular Dementia is basically brain damage caused by restricted blood flow to the brain. There are several ways to diagnose it. Mummy’s Vascular Dementia was diagnosed clinically with a neurological exam. He basically checked her balance, coordination, etc. and concluded that she has Vascular Dementia. There are a few drugs available on the market to slow the progression of the disease, but Mummy’s dementia was diagnosed relatively later on, so a lot of the drugs didn’t have much of an effect.

3. When and how did your mother’s dementia develop?

Officially, she was first diagnosed in mid-2010. But we had an inkling that she had it a few years before the official diagnosis. She started forgetting things. By the time I came into the family two and a half years ago, she would forget what prayer it was time for. I remember Papa continuously having to write it down for her. She would also forget how many rak’as in each prayer. We had to tell her Asr was four rak’as, maghrib was 3, etc.

4. What has life living with and caring for your mother been like since her disease began?

Extremely stressful. Since Mummy was living with us for the majority of her disease, we’ve seen the progression from the early stages until now, her final stages. Since it began, we’ve slowly had to withdraw from our social activities and commitments, and spend more time at home. Anis (Mariam's husband) withdrew from practically every extra-curricular activity to stay home with his Mom and care for her.

In terms of her physical care, it’s been a slow progression, unlike her mental deterioration. Up until recently, she could eat on her own. In January of this year, I remember she could go to the bathroom all by herself. She went with Papa to India in February and came back in May. Since May, she has needed assistance going to the bathroom. After Eid-al-Fitr this year, she needed assistance walking, and as of a couple of weeks ago, she now needs assistance eating.

5. What impact has the disease had on your mother’s character, behavior, abilities, and outlook on life?

This disease has made her confidence shoot down. She used to be an extremely confident and capable person, able to do anything she wanted to do. Her personality is less dominant than it used to be, and her depression has increased immensely. She sees herself as someone who has fallen from a high pedestal, and keeps lamenting about how her state is now. She has a Ph.D. in Organic Chemistry, and her thesis is a book an inch thick. She was the Head of the Chemistry Department at a college in India. Now when you ask her to write the alphabet on a paper, she just draws vertical lines. She can’t even count anymore, and cannot even count how many brothers and sisters she has.  

6. What impact has this experience had on your family?

In terms of Anis’s siblings and him, it has brought them closer, since his parents primarily live with us and they call and visit frequently to see Mummy. In terms of stress level, let’s just say that Anis has more gray hairs now than he ever did when we got married two and a half years ago. This experience is aging us faster than we would like because of the amount of stress that we are under. 

Dementia comes with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, anxiety disorder, bi-polar disorder, and severe depression. It’s very, very difficult to deal with someone who is anxious, angry, crying, and depressed all day. To go from a normal, happy family experience to one where everyone is stressed/depressed on some level really brings us down.

7. How do you cope with the mental, emotional, and physical stresses of caring for your mother?

The stresses are extremely high. Anis and I try and individually go out with our friends once in a while. Hanging out and chilling with our minds free from worries for a few hours gives us a little bit of a battery recharge. Sometimes, we hold it inside, and it just boils over into tension between Anis and me. That’s when we know we need to de-stress, and one of us goes out to hang out with friends for a while.  

8. From where do you and your family seek strength in this situation?

Alhamdulillah, our friends, family, and community have been extremely supportive. Even if we don’t seek out help, it’s good to know that help is there when/if we need it. For me personally, my close circle of friends has helped me through this. Same with Anis. We each have a close circle of buddies that we fall back on when we need a break.

9. On your blog, you talk about “it” approaching. Can you please tell our readers, what is “it”? How do you know that “it” is on its way and how are you preparing yourself for its arrival?

The “it” that we refer to on our blog is death. Mummy’s health has deteriorated so much to the point where it would be un-wise to not talk about and discuss the action plan in the case of her death. Logistically, emotionally, mentally, we need to be prepared. We’re already under a lot of stress, and if we’re not prepared for something like that, it will be very hard to recover from it after it happens. Her doctor has given her an official prognosis of less than six months, but we know that it could be more than that or less than that. We’re not banking on that official figure, but we need to be prepared for it. Slowly and steadily, her mind is losing more and more control over her body. She’s succumbing to the pain a lot more than she was before, she’s eating less, drinking less, willing to do less and less.

We are preparing for it in a number of ways. First, we have to make sure that the rest of Anis’s siblings are fully aware that death is approaching soon. Anis always says to them, “Whatever good deeds that you can do now, do it. Your time for earning good deeds by serving your mother is running out. It’s either now or never.” We are also preparing her for it medically as well. We have stopped giving her the dementia medications, because of the side effects. She’s only taking medications for pain and anxiety at this point. Since her dementia is so advanced, there’s no point in giving her the medication for it.

10. How has this experience brought you closer to Allah?

For one, we take it as a blessing from Allah that we are allowed to serve our parents. A lot of people don’t get a chance to be with their mothers or fathers in their last days, so it’s a mercy upon us that we can be with her in her last days.

11. What has this experience taught you about being a son or daughter in Islam?

It has taught us that you never know what condition your parents will be in when they are old, but whatever it is, you have to be there for them. Even if some things might seem gross, or disgusting, they have done that for us, and we should be ready to do whatever we can do for them.

12. How can others learn more about Vascular Dementia, recognize its symptoms and seek help for themselves or someone they know?

Since it can happen earlier than you think it can, it’s very important to get tested, checked, and up to date with all your tests and to know everything about your medical situation. Some people avoid being tested or checked for things like cholesterol, diabetes, etc… out of fear of knowing the result. What they don’t realize is that it is better to know and control it, than to wake up one day and suffer from it in its end stages.

As far as the symptoms of Vascular Dementia go, in Mummy’s case it started out as confusion and forgetfulness. There are many types of dementia, so it’s best to research it online and speak with professionals about the different symptoms. The best thing to do is to get yourself (if you suspect you have it) or someone you know checked by a neurologist.  

13. Is there anything else you would like to add?

I initially responded to these questions a couple of weeks ago. Since then, Mummy has deteriorated even further. She has now stopped eating. She doesn’t know how to open and close her mouth. When we ask her to open her mouth so that we can put food in, she just says she doesn’t understand, or she doesn’t know how. We try and feed her through a cup instead, telling her it’s water that she should drink. Sometimes she understands better that way. 

We have stopped giving her pain medication, she no longer complains of pain. Actually, she no longer complains at all. She has stopped talking, and constantly has a serene look on her face. The Dr. has advised us that “it” is nearer than we think. Her condition deteriorates more and more literally every two days. First she couldn’t chew. Then she couldn’t swallow. Now she can’t open her mouth. She has stopped talking for the most part, and doesn’t call out for anyone anymore. It’s going so fast, and planning for things at the end of the week seems like such a big question mark. 

Keep her and our family in your du’aa.

To stay up-to-date on Mariam's mother's situation, visit their blog My Mother and I

Beautiful Reminders: Paradise by Any Gate You Wish

The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said: "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise that she wishes." --Narrated by Anas ibn Malik, related in Tirmidhi

Umm Yusuf on Birthing Vaginally After Two Cesareans

Umm Yusuf is an American, currently living in Los Angeles, California, U.S.A. She is a happy wife and homeschooling mother of three.

Ever since I was a young girl, I always knew that when I grew up I wanted to be a "mom." I loved children and wanted a handful. I wanted a home that was full of life and a mini-van filled with kids and all their soccer gear. The dream of a home filled with laughing, loving, smiling children was beginning to seem impossible.
 
And here is the story of my vba2c...

My first child was born via C-section at 35 wks. It all began when I went in for the normal monitoring of contractions and fetal heartbeat, and after 4 hours of monitoring doctors declared that my child was in fetal distress. He was not handling the contractions well, and his heartbeat was dropping significantly low and on two separate occasions they lost his heartbeat completely. Doctors rushed into the room and said I had to have an emergency C-section right then. I was terrified, I asked Allah to protect him and within fifteen minutes Yusuf was delivered. A few hours later, I was wheeled out of recovery and I was able to see and hold my son. Alhamdullilah, he is a healthy handsome 6-year-old today.

At the time I wondered what was the wisdom behind it and why was Allah putting me through this. I knew that Allah puts us through trials and sometimes may give us a thing that we perceive as bad, but in truth, if we have patience that trial is a blessing.  

Almost two years later, my husband and I were getting ready to welcome our second child into this world. I had everything set for a vbac, unfortunately I went into the doctor’s office on my due date and discovered my baby had turned. He was no longer head down, but breech. I wasn't in labor or having regular contractions but the doctors said it was in my best interest and my baby's if I just had another C-section. The doctors insisted that it wasn't a good idea to wait and see if the baby would turn again, because there may not be any time and that delivering a breech baby with a prior C-section was asking for uterine rupture. I wasn't well equipped with knowledge about vbacs and a breech presentation, and I let the doctors scare me into another C-section. Adam was delivered later that day, and again I was able to see and hold him a few hours later. Alhamdullilah, he is a healthy handsome 4-year-old today.

Fast forward to the last few nights of Ramadan in 2010, early one fajr morning I found out that Allah blessed my family again, and I was expecting my third child. My husband and I wanted this delivery to be different, we didn't want it to end with another C-section. So, we read up and we researched the birthing process, vbacs, and uterine rupture. We continued with the same healthcare provider we had with our other two children, but insisted that we would not being having another C-section unless myself or the baby's lives were in jeopardy.

I had a healthy pregnancy and my midwife said that I was definitely a possible candidate for a vba2c, but she needed to send me to an Obgyn specialist, who needed to approve of it as well. Alhamdullilah, I was the perfect candidate. (I had a healthy pregnancy, my age was under 35 yrs, my last pregnancy was over 36 months ago, a tendency to deliver small-average sized babies, the placenta was attached to posterior wall, a low transverse incision, etc. etc. etc.)

At 38 wks, I went in for extended monitoring at the hospital and sure enough a doctor and med students came in saying that my child was not reacting well to the minor contractions I was experiencing. My husband and I questioned the doctor over and over. What should be happening on the monitor? How should our baby's heartbeat react? Is she in danger? Her heartbeat was low and not experiencing any accelerations during a contraction. We explained to the doctors that it was likely due to the fact that I have been hooked up to the machines all morning with nothing to eat for the past few hours. The doctors pushed that we just have another C-section while my stomach was empty. We continued to question them about the fetal heartbeat. Is it stable? Is it normal? That was very important, if she was healthy and doing well, and her life was not in jeopardy than there was no reason we would opt for a C-section. The doctors said that the baby was indeed fine, and had a stable heartbeat. We weren't going to be bullied or forced into another C-section. We said we wanted to leave the hospital and after a couple of talks with the doctor and a little paperwork, we finally were able to leave.

During my ordeal at the hospital, my husband called our nearest natural home birthing center and arranged an appointment a few days later. We knew that there was no way that the hospital was going to adhere to our wish of a vaginal birth. All the doctors saw was my previous C-section history and a chance to educate their med students on the process. So, at 38 wks we decided a home water birth with Andaluz in Portland, OR was our best option. We had appointments about twice a week to get my new midwives up to speed with my pregnancy history.  We also had all the home birthing gear ready to go at our place since this baby was coming very soon. It was during these last few days while talking with my midwives that my apprehension about a natural birth was beginning to fade, and that I was realizing this was indeed something I truly wanted. 

This natural birth would end the cycle of C-sections I was having at the hospital. It would keep me away from all the risks that come with being repeatedly cut open. With a natural delivery, there would be nothing stopping me from having more children in the future if Allah willed. It was the answer to my prayers.

On my due date, my contractions started to really pick up and I was having them every 15 minutes. The next day, the contractions were 10 minutes apart and growing stronger. The following day, with very little sleep now, the contractions started to get even closer. I was following all my midwives instructions on how to ease the pain during this prolonged stage of early labor, and it was quite painful. It was early in the morning, before fajr, that I noticed the contractions were finally 6 minutes apart, it was time to call my midwives and have them come. I called my main midwife from Andaluz, she told me to stay strong and to call back when the contractions were 4 minutes apart, since my child was in the posterior position and my progression would be slow and steady. I hung up the phone. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I was crying. I told my husband that I just couldn't do it. He encouraged me that I could do this, and that I didn't want to go back to the hospital and have them tell us some bogus reason why they would have to cut this baby out of me. I cried. I prayed. I asked Allah to help me.

In all cases we should be praying, but there are instances in life when there is nothing else you can do but pray. When Allah puts you in a difficult and painful situation, where all your trust is now in Him and all you can do is ask. And it is that asking and calling on Him that draws you nearer to Him. 

I tried to just slow down and think, but the contractions just kept coming and I was in pain. I called my mother and told her that I wasn't sure about the homebirth and that I wanted to head to the hospital because the pain was incredible. My mother understood, told me there are blessings in everything, and that maybe the hospital is a good idea. And then I told my husband that I couldn't bear the pain any longer and that I needed to go to the hospital. My husband hesitated and wanted to be sure that I understood exactly what I was saying. We both knew that if we left for the hospital now, that I would more than likely be having my last child cut out of me. I cried and thought about my dream of that home filled with tons of children, and then a contraction. The pain was so great that I asked to be taken to the hospital. On the ride to the hospital, I began to put all my trust in Allah and I prayed desperately that I'd be able to deliver this baby vaginally there. I prayed and I prayed.

We arrived at the hospital and my previous midwife was there, and she told me that there was an excellent vbac doctor and vbac staff on-call this morning. ALHAMDULILLAH!!! I was extremely happy to hear this and then thrilled when I realized it was an all female staff. ALHAMDULILLAH again!!!! My husband was also very relieved. And so I labored a few more hours at the hospital but with an epidural. The epidural worked wonders for the pain, and I was able to get some much needed rest. When I woke I began to make du'a to Allah that this delivery would go smoothly and she would come vaginally and be a healthy baby that would grow up to be a righteous beautiful muslimah inside and out. I made du'a to Allah about all the dreams I had for my family and this new little baby.

I remember reciting Surat al Mulk (Al-Qur'an: Chapter 67: The Dominion) over and over in the hospital room, it calmed my heart and helped me focus. I hold this sura very close to my heart now because I was constantly reciting it and memorizing it with my halaqa sisters while my little baby was growing in my womb and up until the day she came into this world. Inshallah, the sura will always remain there.  

"Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the dominion, and He is Able to do all things. Who has created death and life, that He may test which of you is best in deed. And He is the All-Mighty, the Oft-Forgiving; "  (Al-Qur'an, Surah Al Mulk, Ayahs 1-2) 

Here the verses are reminding us, that Allah is the Lord of all the creation, and that He is always in control of what happens. So regardless of what the doctors had to say, Allah is ultimately in control and that eased my worries. 

Everything was going smoothly and the vbac staff were pleased with all the progress the baby and I were making, and shortly afterwards I could feel the baby drop lower and lower. And when it was time to push, I pushed. 

I was doing it, I was having this baby vaginally. I was ending the cycle of C-sections. I will never forget the moment I pushed her out, and her being put onto my chest. I held her tightly and looked down, and all I could see was this cute little purple bottom. I kept saying "She is soo warm. She is soo warm." I will treasure that moment for the rest of my life, Sarah is my vba2c baby!!! Alhamdullilah, she is a healthy beautiful 4 month old little girl today.

I thank Allah for letting me deliver our little girl vaginally. It was such a wonderful experience. There is definitely wisdom in everything, and Allah truly is the best of planners. The fact that I did have the two C-sections prior really allows me to cherish this delivery so much more. And I feel that it was from this experience that I truly understood the concept of tawakkul. Tawakkul or putting all my trust in Allah is a concept that I feel resonates with my vba2c experience. Putting absolute trust in Allah and relying solely on Him, and realizing that the outcome (whether it is a vaginal birth or another C-section) is from Allah, and that there is always wisdom behind it.

"And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things." (Al-Qur'an, Surah At-Talaq, Verse 3)

Remember that trust in Allah must be accompanied with action. One must put sincere effort and strive to accomplish one's intentions but also trust that whatever Allah has decreed is of benefit to him or her. This baby  and my vba2c experience made me fully grasp the meaning of Tawakkul. I did all that I could to ensure that this baby was delivered vaginally by having a strict birthing plan where a C-section was not an option. I endured as much as I could, but ultimately AIlah is the best of planners.

This birth brought so many possibilities and blessings, and I discovered that I am very interested in midwifery, birthing rights, and educating mothers about asserting their rights in a modern day system that doesn't support them. If I had the time, I would definitely pursue an education in midwifery and try to help other mothers that are dealing similar situations.  

As mothers, we want the best for our children in this life and the hereafter. We will gladly give up our own freedoms and sacrifice for the sake of our children, but we also cannot neglect ourselves. We have to treat ourselves well, take care of ourselves physically, emotionally and above all spiritually. A third C-section is not a risk I wanted to take unless I knew it was the right thing to do. I encourage all pregnant women to do research and understand their rights when it comes to a C-section, and be aware of the benefits of a natural and vaginal birth over a C-section.  

Motherhood is definitely a miraculous journey. Carrying a child in one's womb for nine months and then being able to push it out and bring it into this world is a beautiful event. An event that can only reaffirm one's faith in Allah and His infinite ability/power. Motherhood also entails everything that comes afterwards, the nurturing and raising of that child in Islam and with manners and characteristics of our noble Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). I ask Allah to grant me guidance and patience to fulfill those obligations and rights to Him and my family, and to earn a place in Paradise. I cannot thank Him enough for my three children, and if Allah blesses my family with a fourth child, I pray that I will have the strength to bring that child into this world naturally.

“Say: Nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us: He is our Protector: And on Allah let the believers put their trust.”(Al-Qur'an, Surah Al-Tawbah, Verse 51)

A Mother's Milk: Overcoming Sore Nipples

Umm Layth is an American mother of two, currently living in Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. She is a WHO/UNICEF Breastfeeding Counselor and a member of the Riyadh community breastfeeding support group, Circle of Nurturing.

Having sore nipples is never fun. It can be uncomfortable, tiresome, and if left unchecked, very painful. Unfortunately, it’s an ailment that many breastfeeding moms suffer from, even after weeks or months of pain-free nursing.

There are many reasons why a breastfeeding mother may experience soreness in the nipple area. In order to effectively remedy the problem, it’s important to identify the correct cause. You can try doing this on your own with the symptom guide below but don’t hesitate to contact your local breastfeeding counselor or La Leche League leader if you have any questions or need help.

Common Causes and Symptoms of Sore Nipples

Cause	Symptoms
Ineffective Latch	Soreness on one or both sides, pain and/or discomfort while nursing, baby doesn’t seem to be satisfied after feeds. Is baby in a good position to effectively suckle? Is baby trying to nurse in new positions?
Over Cleansing the Nipple Area	Dry or irritated skin at the nipple area before a feed, discomfort and/or pain while nursing. Are you washing your nipples before feeds?
Hormonal Changes	Increased sensitivity while nursing on one or both sides, soreness after a feed. Are you ovulating? Could you be pregnant? Does baby seem to suddenly dislike the taste of your milk?
Skin Irritation or Trauma to the Nipple Area	Soreness is usually on both sides, visible abrasions or irritation on the nipple and/or areola. Is baby teething? Are you using any new soaps, perfumes, or detergents? Has baby been playing with your nipple while nursing such as biting, pulling or scraping it with his teeth?
Thrush	Soreness and pain that last throughout the feed, soreness and pain does not get better with improved latching, nipples itch and/or burn. Are there cracks or abrasions on the nipple area? Is your pain sudden after a period of pain-free nursing? Could you have a vaginal yeast infection? Is your baby showing symptoms of thrush (such as white patches in the mouth that can’t be scraped off, a diaper rash that doesn’t get better, excessive gassiness or fussing at the breast)?

If the cause is an ineffective latch, go back to the basics of latching and do what you can to get it right. Having a correct latch will not only make the nursing experience more comfortable for you, but it will allow your baby to get more milk out of the breast and be more satisfied, inshaAllah.

For a good latch, make sure the following things are happening:

1. Baby’s body is facing you with his face facing the breast.

2. Baby’s mouth opens wide to take the nipple and most of the areola into his mouth. When he latches, his chin should be touching the breast, both his lips should be flanged out like a fish, his cheeks should be rounded, and his nose should be close to the breast. As he feeds, you should be able to hear him swallowing and see his chin lowering and pausing as he takes in milk before he swallows.

Visit Dr. Jack Newman’s website for videos of good latching and drinking (Warning: videos contain partial nudity of breastfeeding mothers).

For dry and/or irritated skin, stop the use of any new soaps, lotions or detergents, especially those that you may have been applying to your breasts and/or nipple areas. Also, don’t worry about cleansing your nipples before a feed. Your body naturally secretes oil onto your nipple and areola area to keep the skin soft and supple for nursing. When you wash the nipples before feeding, you wash away that oil and dry out the skin unnecessarily.

For other irritations or trauma, check out these tips from Kellymom.com on healing nipple cracks and abrasions.

If after trying these remedies, you still experience dry skin, try expressing a few drops of breastmilk and applying it onto the nipple and areola areas before feeds. Your breastmilk contains natural antibiotic properties that can provide relief, moisture, and healing to any damaged areas.

For hormonal changes, there isn’t much that you can do to remedy the situation other than ride it out. For many moms, increased sensitivity and soreness from ovulation or new pregnancies often subsides on its own. In the meantime, there are a couple of ways that you can make yourself and baby more comfortable.

1. Try nursing from the side that isn’t sore first.

2. After a feed, seek relief from the soreness by dabbing a bit of 100% lanolin cream to the nipple area after a feed. The lanolin will provide both soothing and healing for the skin of the nipple and areola. A little bit of lanolin goes a long way. 

For detailed questions about nursing during pregnancy, check out the Kellymom FAQ.

For thrush, the steps to remedy the situation will depend on how severe the infection is and whether it’s something only the mom suffers from, or both the mom and the baby. To identify which stage of thrush you may have, and for treatment options, see the Candida Protocol Sheet by Dr. Jack Newman. 

Sunnah of Childcare: Teaching Good Manners

I never grew up around small children. So it's no surprise that for most of my life I thought of children as being entirely different from adults. To me, children were their own special breed of mammals that were to be treated and raised uniquely from everyone else on the planet. 

It wasn't until after having children of my own that I learned first-hand how wrong I was. Alhamdulilah for that! Children aren't that different from adults and often have the same needs such as love, protection, mental stimulation, social interaction, and a guiding hand to help them learn the ways of the world. As my older brother would say, "children are people, just in smaller packages." 

And just as important as it is for us "big people" to learn and implement proper Islamic manners, so it is for our children. 

In his book, Raising Children in Light of the Qur'an and Sunnah, Shaykh 'Abdus Salaam bin 'Abdillah As-Sulaymaan says, "After weaning, the child enters a stage when he is distinguished for having a pure and clean disposition as well as a love for following and imitating. So he is like a soft piece of dough (ready to be molded). Therefore, you must not belittle this stage in their lives and say, 'He is young - he doesn't understand...You must familiarize him with the etiquettes of eating, sleeping, and greeting...He should also be made to get used to the characteristics of honesty and trustworthiness." 

The Shaykh notes a couple of examples where the Prophet Muhammad, sallahu alayhi wa sallam, corrected and taught the youth of his time manners in different situations.

Abu Hurairah, rahimahuAllah, reported: “Al-Hasan, rahimahuAllah, once took a date from the stockpiles of charity and placed it in his mouth. So the Prophet said, ‘Kakh, Kakh! Throw it away, throw it away. Don’t you know that we don’t eat from charity?’” (Bukhari and Muslim)

‘Umar bin Abee Salamah, rahimahuAllah, said: “I was a young boy under the care of Allah’s Messenger, and my hand would go around the dish when eating. So the Messenger of Allah told me, ‘O young lad, mention the name of Allah, eat with your right hand, and eat (from the dish) what is closest to you.’ Ever since then I applied these instructions when eating.” (Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmad)

Towards his closing the Shaykh says, “So it is an obligation on the parents to prevent their child from things that are prohibited even if their child is at the age where he is not accountable for his actions. This is since if he is accustomed to doing the unlawful in his youth, he will become attached to it when he gets older and it will be hard for him to stop at that point.”

Below are a few Islamic manners from the Qur’an and Sunnah that we can teach our children, inshaAllah.

Greeting with the Islamic greeting of peace, “Asalaamu Alaykum”

“But when you enter the houses, greet one another with a greeting from Allah (i.e. Asalaamu Alaykum) blessed and good.”—Qur’an, 24:61

Asking permission before entering a person’s house, room, or any private space

“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission.” –Qur’an, 24:27

Shaking hands when meeting another Muslim

“Shake hands with one another; any hatred will go away…” – Related by Maalik with authentic chains

Choosing good companions

“A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you be careful about the person with whom he establishes friendship.” – Related by Abu Dawood, graded hasan by Albaanee

 Speaking good

“…And whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, then let him speak good or remain silent.” – Related in Bukhari

Mentioning Allah’s name before eating (Bismillah)

(see above hadith from ‘Umar bin Abee Salamah)

Performing wudu before going to sleep

“When you go to your bed, then perform the same ablution that you perform for prayer…” – Related by Bukhair, Muslim, Ahmad, and Tirmidhee

Being a good neighbor

“The best of companions with Allah is he who is best to his companion, and the best of neighbors with Allah is he who is best to his neighbor.” – Related by Tirmidhee who graded it hasan ghareeb

For detailed descriptions of these and other manners, and their place in the sunnah, please read The Book of Manners, published by Darussalam.