Our Milk is More Than Just Food

Umm Layth is an American mother of two, currently living in New Jersey, USA. She is a WHO/UNICEF Certified Breastfeeding Counselor, an AFPA Certified Pre/Post Natal Exercise Specialist, and a staff writer for the Saudi Life Motherhood column. This article originally appeared on Saudi Life in April of 2012. 


Many choose breastfeeding because it’s a baby’s most perfect food. But our milk is more than just food.  Even well after our children have finished their “mommy meals” and their hunger is satisfied, our milk continues to provide for them in numerous ways.

Our milk is an on-call body guard

It’s a true mercy from Allah that the moment our children are born our milk is there to help protect them from infection, disease, and illness.

The first bit of milk we get, colostrum, coats and seals our child’s intestines so germs and bacteria don’t make him sick. It also helps to clear his body of excess waste that he accumulated in the womb. If he’s born jaundiced, colostrum will help clear that too!

MashaAllah, as time goes by our milk will provide ongoing infection protection for our children at every single feed. Each time our child is exposed to germs (from the air, from the floor, from a sick relative or fellow playmate) she’ll transfer those germs to us when she breastfeeds. Immediately, our body will produce antibodies to fight that germ and then pass them back to her through our milk, helping to keep her strong and healthy.

Our milk helps protect our bodies too. From the first day our babies are born, breastfeeding lessens mom’s risk of hemorrhaging and helps balance out our hormones, reducing the risk of post-partum depression. The more we breastfeed, the more our bodies benefit. Breastfeeding has been shown to help protect women against various cancers (breast and cervical to name two), naturally help space children, and even speed up post-baby weight loss!

Our milk is a safe haven

Breastfeeding babes know that there’s no comfort object quite like mommy’s milk. Whether it’s used to soothe trauma from a bad fall, crankiness from a recent illness, or anxiety over life’s many changes, our breastmilk is always there to help our little ones feel okay again.

The real beauty of breastfeeding our children through stressful times is that it provides us moms with comfort too! How relaxing it is for us to watch our children’s upset cries fade to content smiles with just a few suckles at the breast. How comforting to look down after a feed and see our children calmly (and deeply) sleeping without a worry in the world.

And unlike other comfort objects (such as toys, dolls or dummies) our breastmilk can never get lost in a mess, forgotten about in a rush, or worn down after years of wear and tear. As long as we choose to breastfeed, our milk will be there to help provide a safe space for our children when they need it.

Our milk is an ever-lasting connection

It’s no coincidence that babies can smell their mother’s unique milk scent and are more attracted to it over other smells.

Divine design made our breastmilk smell similar to that of our amniotic fluid which housed baby during his time in our womb. When baby is born, his familiarity with our smell helps him to search for our breasts when he gets hungry, a newborn reflex called ‘rooting’.

With every feed that baby takes from the breast, the hormone oxytocin is released into our bloodstream, increasing the feelings of love and attachment to our children. This process sets the foundation for a uniquely strong and caring bond between mother and child.  

The bond between breastfeeding child and mother is so strong that in Islam any breastfeeding child under two years of age can forever be considered the son or daughter of the woman who breastfeeds him or her, a process known as Tahrim (creating mahram relationships through breastfeeding). 

Our milk is an inspiration

Breastfeeding didn’t begin with us.

Allah, subhana wa ta ala, mentions the mother of Musa, alayhi salam, who suckled her son before sending him down river to save his life (Qur’an, 28:7).

Prophet Ismaeel, alayhi salaam, was breastfed by his mother Hajar before she climbed Mt Marwa and Mt Safa to look for water (Sahih Bukhari).

The Prophet Muhammad himself, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, was breastfed in his childhood by a wet-nurse named Haleemah (The Sealed Nectar). Later, his daughter Fatima, radiAllahu anha, was breastfed by her mother Khadija bint Khuwayylid, radiAllahu anha (Great Women of Islam). 

I like to think that every time we breastfeed, we’re continuing the legacy these great women left behind. And every time our older children see us breastfeeding the younger ones, we’re setting the example for this legacy to be carried forward after we’re gone, inshaAllah.

Our milk is so much more than just food! It’s nourishment for the whole family; unbreakable bonding for mother and child; and when done with the intention to please Allah, it can even be an act of worship to better our souls. 

Maria Zain on the The Birth-Faith Irony: Who Are We Really Relying On?

Maria Zain never thought she would become a birth junkie after two disastrous medical births but things changed a bit when she caught baby number three on her own. Now between homeschooling her four children (yes, number 4 was also born at home), writing and editing, she is honing in onto birth advocacy with a du’a that all mothers will have their own empowering births.

This article was originally published in Saudi Life. Thank you and JazakamAllahu Khairan to Maria Zain and Saudi Life for allowing us to re-post this piece on our blog.

A Western woman from Europe approaches a woman of the East. She says, “I would think that in a country like yours, being conservative and being Muslim-majority, that there would be many more homebirths than hospital births, as it would be closer to your beliefs.”

The woman of the East – a Muslim – answers that this isn’t the case in her country – and in fact, it is completely the opposite. She continues to describe the standard birthing scene that a woman in her country has to undergo...

A passer-by, of the same Eastern country, scoffs quietly. “How insulting. And I suppose this Western woman also believes we hang from trees and bathe in mud. We ARE modern, you know.”

It is easy to feel insulted at such comments made by our Western peers, but in retrospect, there is so much truth in it. As a natural birth advocate, I agree totally in what the “Western” woman had to say. But for those who are not on the natural birth bandwagon, it may sound incredulous that homebirths have anything to do with religious beliefs.

The country I come from is a Muslim-majority country, and one that churns out babies by the dozen to boot. I nearly have half a dozen myself, but that’s not the point. The irony of the “Western” statement above is that though Malaysia comes across as conservative and somewhat religious in many ways, she prides herself in modernity and technological advancements in the medical industry – both dangerous and detrimental to her birth culture.

Birth, for natural birthers, is part of a journey for the female form, the medical industry parades it in a different way – in a very “Western” way, one might say. The majority of women birth in hospitals, not at home, and along with hospitals come intervention, protocol, fears of litigation and medically-induced complications. Why is this contrary to faith?

While for many, medicalised births seem the way to go. Why would anyone want to avoid medical interventions, when they are supposedly there to save lives? And why on earth would anyone have their babies at home when there are machines at hospitals that can gauge progress and complications? Contrary to this popular belief, there is plenty of statistical data that proves that even the minute intervention, including monitoring, causes the birth process to become jagged and disturbed, leading to a cascade of interventions that cause potential harm to both mothers and babies.

Birth is rushed along in government hospitals where capacity is usually the pressing issue. Women are admitted and treated like sick patients, hurried along a factory line, and in many cases emerge with distasteful experiences. Some wards have been likened to jail cells, with birthing mothers – in raging on oxytocin – are left strapped down in fear and doubt, causing hindrances for her baby to be born gently. These women are often engulfed in protocol and timelines, and leave the hospital as quickly as they arrive.

In private practice, where the underlying motive for the birth industry is profits, medical intervention is the cultural norm, with inductions being scheduled even weeks before the infamous EDD, regardless of the health of the mother and baby. Scare tactics also run high, as do non-emergency and elective Caesarean sections (c-sections).

Walk along any neighbourhood and throw a few rocks, at least half will hit women who have had to undergo c-sections at birth, the remaining of those rocks will probably hit women who have had traumatic vaginal experiences.

Still, this has nothing to do with faith? It does, as it does with having knowledge. The art of birth has been lost along the tresses of time in this country, Malaysia, and birth is often feared and ridiculed, associated with pain, trauma and even death. Few women are even aware that they are able to birth their babies on their own, not only without medical intervention or “assistance” but without doctors themselves. This isn’t to say that every woman who is expecting a baby should go ahead and plan an unassisted birth, but they should at least be aware how birth was designed by Allah SWT, and how they too were designed to birth, mostly without assistance. They should also at least be aware of the perils of birthing in a hospital, coupled by the hazards of medical intervention, no matter how small.

By understanding a little more about pregnancy and birth, women would be able to be better care providers for themselves rather than rely on medical judgment for non-medical conditions like pregnancy and birth. Over-reliance on hospitals in communities that are perceived as more conservative or religious is really becoming an oxymoron. There is so much more to birth than meets the doctor’s eye, and it is for us women, to try to learn and understand further, and to have faith that our bodies are able to birth our babies.

Having a little more knowledge takes us on leaps and bounds of our faith. In the Qur’an, the womb is known as “mekiynin,” defined as the term “secure receptacle,” or a powerful, sound, unshakeable, fixed object that is designed by Allah SWT. By knowing this alone, mothers would stop consenting to unnecessary inductions that usually happen out of convenience and allow babies to be born on their own accord without rushing the womb along through augmentation or even a c-section.

The one, single birth mentioned in the Qur’an was the birth of Prophet Isa (AS), where his beautiful mother, Maryam (RA), birthed him on her own, assisted only by Allah SWT.

To have the perfection of Maryam is a feat on its own, with one whole verse in the Qur’an named after her. But to come close to having that type of tawakkul – the feeling of complete submission – will allow us to have our babies in gentler, safer environments, without bright lights, without dangerous medical intervention, without prejudice and judgment... and maybe even at home. Who knows?

The compounded irony of the European “Western” woman’s statement is that the highest rates of homebirth are recorded in some European countries, and these have the best outcomes for both mothers and babies; whereas countries with high rates of hospital births have the worse effects on mothers and their babies. Yet we feel insulted when we are culturally associated with homebirths as this discredits the modernisation that is paraded by the medical industry. Oh, the irony.

We need to let go of the fear that is fuelling our reliance on the medical industry and start believing in ourselves. And we certainly shouldn’t feel insulted if an outsider thinks we should. It’s not because we are backwards or under-developed. It’s about having a shimmer of faith in what is natural and letting the gift of birth shine through as per its design by Allah SWT.

Beautiful Reminders: Being Good to Our Parents

If there is anything that parenthood teaches us, it’s how to have love and respect towards our own parents for all that they went through in raising us.

Allah, subhana wa ta ala, says in the Qur’an: “And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: "My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will)." –Suratal Ahqaf, 46:15

According to Ibn Kathir in his tafsir, this duty that Allah, subahna wa ta ala, commands us to have towards our parents includes treating them well, having compassion towards them, and obeying them (so long as what they’re asking for is not haram) regardless of whether or not they are Muslim.

Upholding this duty is so important that throughout the Qur’an, Allah, subhana wa ta ala, mentions it right after obeying Him and the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Even the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, spoke of good conduct towards our parents as being the next best thing we can do after praying our daily prayers to Allah!

In a hadith found in saheeh Bukhari, a man once asked the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, “Which action is the most beloved to Allah?” The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, answered: “Prayer at its correct time.” The man then asked: “Then which action?” The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam answered: “Birr (good treatment, kindness) towards the parents.” The man said: “Then which?” The Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, answered: “Jihad in the way of Allah.”

In his book Sharh ul-'Aqeedat-il-Waasi tiyyah, Shaykh Uthaymeen says regarding good conduct towards our parents:

“When we reflect upon the state of people today, we find that many of them do not treat their parents kindly rather they openly disobey them and treat them badly. You would find someone being good to his friends and not tiring of sitting with them. However, if he were to sit with his father or mother for just an hour in the day, you would find him restless as though he were on hot coals. So this is not from kind treatment. Rather the one who shows kindness is one who opens his heart to his mother and father and serves them and is devoted to them and who has the utmost eagerness to please them with everything that he is able to do.

And as it is commonly said, "Al-Birr is an investment". For indeed if someone is good [to his parents], then he will receive a great reward in the next life, and he will even be repaid for it in this life. So good or bad treatment of one's parents is like, as is commonly said, "an investment", or a loan. If you had been good to your parents, then your children will be good to you, and if you had been disobedient to your parents, then your children will be disobedient to you.”

So how can we show birr to our parents?

1. Know that good conduct is for BOTH our parents, not just one.  

From Abu Hurayra who said, "It was said, 'O Messenger of Allaah (Peace be upon him), who is most deserving of my birr?' He replied, 'your mother'. He said, 'then who?' He replied, 'your mother.' He said, 'then who?' He said, 'your mother.' He said, 'then who?' He replied, 'your father'" –Sahih Bukhari

2. Speak gentle words to them.

Taysala bin Mayyaas said, "I was with the Najadaat (a group of the Hururiyyah) and I committed a sin which I regarded to be Major, so I mentioned this to Ibn Umar. He said, 'what sin is it?' I said, 'this and this.' He said, 'this is not from the Major sins, the major sins are nine: "Associating partners with Allaah, killing a soul, fleeing from the advancing army, to accuse a chaste woman, Eating Ribaa, Eating the property of an orphan, to apostasize in the mosque, the one who ridicules/derides others, and making the parents cry due to disobedience to them."

Ibn Umar said to me, 'Do you fear the fire and wish to enter the Paradise?' I said, 'of course, by Allaah!' He said, 'are your parents alive?' I said, 'I have a mother.' He said, 'then by Allaah! If you were to speak gently to her and feed her, you would certainly enter paradise, as long as you stay away from the Major sins.'" –Saheeh Bukhari

3. Try to repay them for all they’ve done.

From Abdullaah bin Umar who said, " A man came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) to give him the bay'ah for hijrah, and he left his parents crying. So the Prophet said, 'return to your parents and make them laugh as you have made them cry'" –Saheeh Bukhari

From Abu Hurayra from the Prophet (Peace be upon him) that he said, "The son can never repay his parent. Except that he finds him a slave, then buys him and sets him free." --Saheeh Bukhari

4. Serve and care for them as they get old.

From Abu Hurayra, from the Prophet (Peace be upon him) that he said, "May he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated, may he be disgraced and humiliated." They said, "who O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "the one whose parents attain old age, or one of them, and he enters Hellfire (by not serving them)." –Sahih Bukhari

5. Show them respect and pray for them.

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’” –Surah Al-Isra, 23-24. 

The Prophet's Methods of Teaching

How will I teach my child?

It’s one of the most often asked questions a parent reflects over. Alhamdulilah, in the Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we have the best of example of a teacher.

The Prophet didn’t just teach his children; he also taught his wives, his companions, community leaders, and many others. When the Prophet taught, he was careful to build relationships with his students, emphasize important points, and tailor his lessons in a way so the person listening would understand his message. 

InshaAllah by reflecting on his methods, we can find the keys to unlock our own teaching potential with our children.

Teaching by Parables and Narratives

Parables and narratives are illustrative tales used to teach moral concepts and they were a common method used by the Prophet, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

An example of a parable used by the Prophet with regards to prayer is narrated by Abu Bakr, radiAllahu anhu, in Sahih Muslim.

Abu Bakr, said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah saying: ‘Behold! Can any dirt remain on the body of any one of you if there were a river at his door in which he washed himself five times daily? They said: No dirt would remain. He, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said: That is like the five daily prayers by which Allah obliterates sins.”

Teaching by Oaths

At times, the Prophet would get his students’ attention and emphasize important lessons by beginning with an oath.

In Sahih Bukhari it’s reported that the Prophet said, “By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! It was said: ‘Who is that person, O Allah’s Messenger?’ He answered: That person is he whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil.”

Teaching Gradually

Rather than immediately impose rules and laws on the people who accepted Islam, the Prophet Muhammad taught the religion gradually focusing on building a person’s belief before anything else.

An excellent example of this was when the prohibition for alcohol was announced, the companions (due to the strength of their faith) immediately disposed of all the alcoholic drinks they owned to the point that the alcohol was seen “flowing through the streets of Medina (Sahih Bukhari).”

Teaching by Offering Alternatives

When correcting people’s mistakes, the Prophet would offer positive alternatives to help improve behavior and practice, as opposed to just criticizing for the wrong that was done.

Once the Prophet saw some sputum in the direction of the qibla (direction of the Kabbah) and it upset him so much that his anger could be seen on his face. After removing the spit with his own hand, he told the people: “When any one of you stands up to pray, he is talking to his Lord. His Lord is between him and the qibla, so no one should spit in the direction of the qibla; he should spit to his left or under his feet (Sahih Bukhari).” 

Choosing to be a Positive Parent

Umm Layth is an American mother of two, currently living in the USA. She is a WHO/UNICEF Breastfeeding Counselor and Writer for the SAUDI Life parenting and motherhood columns. This piece was originally published on SAUDI Life's parenting column. JazakamAllahu Khairan to SAUDI Life for allowing us to re-post this on our blog. 

Recently, I was scolded for exercising “bad planning” in preparing to have a second child while my first would soon be entering his “terrible twos”.

“Who says they have to be terrible?” I asked.

The person on the other end of the line gave a quick laugh and then exclaimed that I had no clue what I was getting myself into.Well maybe I don’t have a clue, but I still stand by my question.

“Terrible twos”, “ferocious fours”, “teen drama queens”, and “impossible children eating us out of house and home”. With all the horror stories and negative nicknames that parents spread around the block, it’s no wonder that less and less people want to start families. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Instead, we can choose to stay positive and focus on the good.

Staying positive doesn’t mean being unrealistic or blind to the challenges that parenting can bring. After all, Allah, subhana wa ta ala, does tell us in the Qur’an that our children will be a trial for us.

“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah – with Him lies a great reward.” - translation of Surah at-Taghaabun, ayah 15.

But Allah also tells us that with every hardship comes ease.

“Verily along with every hardship is relief.” - translation of Surah Ash-Sharh, ayah 5

And time and time again, Islam teaches us that there can be great rewards in raising our children.  

“And those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of their deeds in anything. Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned.” –translation of Surah at-Tur, ayah 21

“When the son of Adam dies, his (good) deeds come to an end except for three: a recurring charity, a knowledge that is beneficial or a righteous child that supplicates for him.” –recorded in Sahih Muslim

“Indeed a man may ascend a level in Paradise and ask: ‘How did this happen?’ So it will be said to him: ‘By your child’s asking forgiveness for you.’” –recorded in Ahmad and Ibn Majah

It seems to me that the potential for good in our relationships with our children far outweighs the little bad we may face along the way. So why does negativity still reign?

The way I see it, our children and/or teens are bound to get emotional, throw some tantrums, be stubborn, and maybe even blatantly defy us. But let’s face it: adults can (and often do) act the exact same way.  So what’s the point of allowing our entire day to be ruined because our child does it?

I’m not advocating that we ignore bad actions or behavior, but I am advocating that we don’t allow them to define the relationships we have with our children.

Children mirror the behavior, actions and outlooks of their parents. If we wake up every day believing that our children are going to be terrible and treat them as if everything they do is terrible, what incentive will they have to be anything more than terrible? 

In contrast, imagine if we were to wake up every day being positive. What if every day we believed that our children were capable of good and rewarded them for all the good that they do? Wouldn’t this then encourage them to continue doing good down the line?

Wouldn’t it just feel better if at the end of your day, you could sit back, reflect and praise Allah for all the good that he put into your children instead of going to bed angry and stressed over the little bad that may have happened?

The reality is that whatever age or stage our children are in, they will be a trial for us. We can’t change that. But we can choose how we respond to it. So which parent will we choose to be? The one who hangs onto the bad and adds another negative nickname to the list? Or the one who accepts that their trial is from Allah, stays positive and enjoys the good that comes with it?